Mozda teram u off citav forum, ali smatram da je clanstvo pozitivno nastrojeno. Potrebna mi je pomoc oko motivacionog. Naime vec sam nesto srocio, pa cu ga u produzetku postaviti cisto kako biste imali uvid u isto, i u skladu s njim dali komentare, primedbe, pohvale itd itd....Uzimajuci u obzir da mi je ovo prvo motivaciono (ozbiljnije) i da jos nije gotovo nemojte da se otkidate od smeha ako sam se negde mnogo provalio...

Hvala unapred svima!

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to express my interest in applying for a Master's Degree Programs in Germany, starting in autumn 2011. I believe my educational background would enable me to make a strong contribution at the Universities which I choiseed . Now I am on the fourth study year at my home University of Nis (Faculty of economics), regarding to this fact I will graduated next year (June/July 2011), International management program.

International business, as a field, had always fascinated me right from my secondary school days. I believe my penchant for this field stems from the fact that international business’s issues are increasing day by day in all over the world.

My academic performance has been always on the top of class among to the other students, beside I took a part in several projects with my professors, paying attention to some of actual topics worldwide.

I am an active member of the SAEF (Student's organization of faculty of economics), AIESEC, NGO “PMS”. With all of them previously I did some projects. Moreover I can say that I would like to continue my studies in order to gain knowledge and experiences and I believe these Master programs, from international perspective, would offer me the possibility of receiving the complete picture of all aspects of this field. First 3 things people usually notice at first site are my punctual than commitment and diligence. That is what other people think about me. JOS!

Once I was asked about my intentions and long term goals, it took some time to say this: ”Well my dream was and is to be international dealer or some job strongly related with this one”. And it is really so. Probably my state made the person whom I spoke to laugh. But I understood this moment as a crucial in my life because I realized how this field interesting is. If one want to do such a job, it is obligatory to possess extraordinary knowledge in this field, language skills, communicative skills... My previous achievements and gathered knowledge provide good base for my future development. Furthermore the areas of international economic relations and foreign trade are so wide that one can take years to explore them and to “break into” laws and rules which are shaping them.

Beside this one, one of my goal is to bring all my experience and theoretical knowledge to the company where I am going to work and to do my best in order to improve a way of doing a business with foreign companies. Establishing new types of relations, implement successful practices, obeying deadlines, discipline in international affairs ….are some of main problems in Serbian economy, viewed from the international aspect. I will try to solve some of them if I am able to.

Down below are listed top 3 universities and programs regarding to my opinion and point of view:

1. Worms University of Applied Sciences

    Master of Arts in International Business Administration and Foreign Trade

2. SRH University of Applied Sciences Berlin:

    International Management

3. University of Applied Sciences Osnabrück

    International Business and Management

As I previously said I have some ideas in my head which can contribute developing of one company, but unfortunately until now I did not have the right knowledge and the right tools for putting them in practice and that is why I know that some of these Master Programs would be an excellent starting point for me. Also if I will get selected for this scholarship I will have the opportunity to learn from the best and the fact that I will study in an international environment will give me the privilege to create new relationships with people from different cultures. I am also aware of the kind of dedication and perseverance I will need to have for achieving the best results in the field and I believe my background will qualify me for such a scholarship.

At the end I can say that I look forward to join to some of these Master Programs ,  in order to prove my abilities and gain new skills and I will be patiently waiting for a positive reply.

nije lose za prvo motivaciono generalni savet bi bio - konkretnije, konkretnije. naveo si neke organizacije kojih si clan, ali nije jasno cime se te organizacije tacno bave a i ti konkretno u njima. takodje, navodis da si ucestvovao u nekim projektima, opet se ne vidi koji su to tacno projekti i sta si ti tacno radio na njima. na kraju pominjes neke ideje koje si imao, ali opet ne i koje su.

mislim da akcenat treba da bude na tome da si ti prava osoba za te programe koje biras, i da si vrlo motivisan konkretno za njih, a ne za celu oblast uopsteno. neko tamo treba da procita tvoje pismo i da kaze da, to je taj covek, hocemo njega. ne treba da izbacis ove druge delove, samo promeni teziste, sa te uopstene price o konkretnoj - zasto bas ta tri kursa i zasto si ti bas pravi covek za ta tri kursa.

ima i par jezickih greskica ali to na kraju, meni se cini da je ovo sad vaznije, ne znam sta ostali misle

Ako se striktno drzimo pravila pisanja motivacionih pisma, ovo tvoje je preopsirno. Medjutim, meni se jako dopada. Rayela je u pravu - potebno je da konkretno navedes koje su tvoje ideje, i cime si se konkretno bavio. Ne znam preko koga apliciras, ali verujem da ste dobili smernice kako da sastavite pismo. Isto tako, ne znam iz koliko se krugova sastoji konkurs, ali ako je iz vise, tvoje pismo je vise nego dovoljno da zainteresujes potencijalnog citaoca da te pozove u sledeci krug.

Sto se tice pisanja:

- mislim da bi trebalo "fourth year of studies" umesto fourth year studie

- mislim da ti nije potrebno na kraju da navedes "at the end", mozes bez toga ostatak recenice

Nisam nikad pisao motivaciono, ali ti mogu skrenuti pažnju na par jezičkih sitnica:

choiseed -> chose

Now I am on the fourth study year  -> I am now in the fourth year of study

regarding to this fact -> due to this fact (ili nešto slično, ne može regarding)

I will graduated next year -> graduate

in all over the world -> izbaci "in"

among to the other -> izbaci "to"

beside -> besides ("beside" znači da je nešto pored nečega u prostoru, a "besides" u figurativnom smislu, kao "osim toga, bla bla")

Eto ti prvi pasus, kad budem imao vremena mogu pogledati i ostatak. A možda se javi i neko drugi, da podelimo pos'o. Nisu to nikakve kardinalne greške, ali mislim da će utisak biti bolji ako ih ne bude.

Hvala ljudi, znaci mi dosta sve ovo sto ste rekli! Ako jos neko ima nesto da doda....

I da konkuresim preko DAAD-a.

Ne zameri na ostrim recima, ovo je daleko od dobrog. Moj prvi savet je isti kao rayuelin - moras da budes mnogo konkretniji. Ovaj tekst je primer za "fluff writing", puno teksta koji ne govori nista. Moje iskustvo sa pregledanjem MSc aplikacija (tu i tamo, i to mi je deo posla) je da 95% studenata, narocito onih kojima engleski nije maternji, jednostavno ne ume da napise motivaciono pismo, tako da nemoj da se obeshrabrujes, nisi izuzetak. Obicno se dohvate nekih template-a na Internetu i sve se svede na neki bullshit koji niko nema strpljenja da cita. Pa i meni je toliko ocigledno koje su recenice tvoje, a koje si prepisao ili malo izmenio, mozes tek da zamislis onima iz DAAD-a koji procitaju na hiljade aplikacija godisnje. Nemas pojma koliko to bode oci. Moj savet je zero bullshit, use your own sentences, keep it simple: educational background (kakav je to univerzitet koji si zavrsio, kakav je to program, sta si tamo ucio) 3-4 recenice, most important achievements (projekti, diplomski, kursevi na kojma si se istakao, moze i nesto sto nema veze sa studijama) 3-4 recenice, motivation/objectives (ovde je mesto da ostavis licni pecat, a ne za neke uopstene konstatacije ili iskonstruisane ambicije tipa "ever since I was a child my dream was...", mora da bude iskreno) 3-4 recenice. Detalji idu u CV, pismo je samo eye-catcher. Tamo moras da napises sta si radio u tim organizacijama i kakvi su to projekti bili ili nema svrhe. Svako se trudi da nakiti svoju aplikaciju tako da reviewer mora da bude skeptik, moras da budes ubedljiv. Kad zavrsis nadji nekog da ti ispravi engleski, ovo je veoma bitno, mora da bude besprekoran. Radi na tome, pa okaci sledecu verziju.

Stavi Faculty of Economics.

Znaci odrao sam guzicu dok sam ovo otkucao. Dajte sad komentare..

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to express my interest in applying for a Master's Degree Program in Germany, starting in autumn 2011. I believe my educational background would enable me to make a strong contribution at the Universities which I have chosen. I am now in my fourth year of study at the University of Nis (Faculty of Economics), with the focus of my study being international economic relations and foreign trade. I am due to graduate next year (June/July 2011) from an International Management program.

International business, as a field, had fascinated me since my secondary school days. I believe my penchant for this field stems from the fact that international business issues are of increasing relevance, day by day, across the world. I would like to continue my studies in order to gain the knowledge and experiences that these master’s programs, taught from an international perspective, would offer me, through providing a comprehensive overview of all relevant aspects in this field.

My academic performance has consistently placed me in the top tier of achievement as a student. I have taken part in several projects with my professors, paying attention to an array of topics with global relevance, such as international business financing in relation to working capital management, international marketing and management of export affairs, and the implications of Japan’s development sectors for foreign trade.

I am an active member of the SAEF (the Faculty of Economics’ student organization), AIESEC, and the NGO PMS. I have undertaken projects with all of these organizations, in addition to work with EU4U and the Finance Education Seminar. I have produced promotional materials in all of these projects, primarily in the form of the building and administration of websites. It is through working on such projects that I feel I have proven the potential of my organizational skills.

Fundamentally, my major career goal is to become a financial trader, or at least to enter a profession closely related to this. With this in mind, I am trying to fit my short-term goals to this ambition, hence my undertaking of the aforementioned projects with my mentors. If one wishes to follow such a career path, it is obligatory to possess extraordinary knowledge in this field, complimented by the necessary language and communicative skills. I feel that my achievements and acquired knowledge thus far provide a good base for my future cognitive and personal development.

In intellectual terms, my goal is to bring my combined experience and theoretical knowledge to a company which takes on my services, and strive to do my best to improve the means by which business is conducted with foreign companies. This is all the more relevant, given that the implementation of constructive mechanisms for communication, the observance of deadlines, and discipline in international affairs are several examples of what I would identify – from an international perspective – as the main faults of the Serbian economy. Thus, I would ideally seek to endeavor to solve them through applying my ideas and experience.

Listed below are my three universities/programs of choice:

1. Worms University of Applied Sciences

    Master of Arts in International Business Administration and Foreign Trade

2. SRH University of Applied Sciences Berlin:

    International Management

3. University of Applied Sciences Osnabrück

    International Business and Management

As previously stated, I feel that I possess a range of creative ideas which could potentially contribute to the development of a given company. However, until now I have lacked the right tools for putting them in practice. That is why I believe that any of the master’s programs in question would be an excellent starting point for me. If I am lucky enough to be selected for this scholarship, I feel I will benefit from having the opportunity to learn from the best, with the act of studying in an international environment giving me the privilege of creating new relationships with people from different cultures. Whilst aware of the level of dedication and perseverance I would need to achieve the best results in the field, I believe my background has adequately prepared me for such a scholarship.

In closing, I must express my optimism at the prospect of joining one of these Master Programs, and the positive role that it could play in improving my abilities and pursuit of new skills.

Ja ovo nikada necu razumeti... Cini mi se besmislenim... Da pisem buducem sefu kako bih ja da radim za njega i kako cu da se trudim i kako sam pametan i kako imam ideja i kako volim taj posao... Da necu sve to, verovatno se nebih ni javio na konkurs, jeli tako? Mada sta znam, ako drugi to salju onda cu verovatno ispasti seljak ako ne posaljem i ja...

Bolje ti je sto pre da shvatis, jer na svakom konkursu se trazi motivaciono. Pa ti vidi...